The Stories
Saturday, March 15, 2008
14th March 2008.
It was a real toller coaster ride for me.. Before i met up with baby (i'm not sure if i'm still allowed to call her this..) i mentioned to CY, "i'm very sian.. everyday at work, i feel like going mad.. i cant talk with them at all.. freaking childish, and theres nth to talk abt. then when i look at my hp, i feel even more demoralised.. if i sms baby, i cant expect a reply, cos there will be none. if i manage to call her, and she manage to pick up, we talk for 1 mins tops. and she sounds very distracted. after work, if i do meet her, its jus for dinner, and she will jus talk abt her work.. leaving no room for us to talk abt us." i don't know how other ppl will handle this.. but am i asking too much? all i am hoping is to have a listening ear, someone to talk to, some attention. i hate coming home. whenever i come home, i'll be arrowed with everything, nagged at everything.
yest, during work, i was literally begging CY to come out and pei me, cos i jus dreaded going home, and being alone at home for the whole nite.. i didnt want to disturb baby, cos i jus wanted her to have some of her own time, letting her enjoy herselves.. but i guess everything backfired..
Yesterday, we were on the verge of breaking up, and i don't know are we still on the verge of breaking up now. True, i did cry, yest at the staircase there.. You can scold me for being childish or immature.. but i expected more.. i didnt expect u to say that.. because i have never ever shed tears in public ever before. if i didnt love you that deeply, the tears would not have flowed out, and if i didnt love you tat deeply, i would never ever have cried.. i cried cos of the way u were treating me..
you might say i am being selfish, and want some attention from you.. but have u ever asked urself this qns? whenever u need someone, i AM there! but whenever i need someone, were u there? previously, when i shed cried at home, on the bed, i expected u to hug me tight.. but what did you do? you scolded me.. you hit me! all i wanted was a hug.. and some consoling words, why cant i have them? when u cried, wad was the first thing i did? i hugged u tight.. tried to console you.. i don't understand why u acted this way..
all you needed to do was to tell me to stop msging nicole, and i will stop. all u needed to say, was jus say i dun like u msging her, or other girls, i will stop.. cos i care for u more than anyone or anything else.
last nite, i was reading thru the 100 reasons u compiled for me.. read till #20th ++ and my tears started flowing again.. guess its cos i really love you, and really bu she de ni.. but i cant say the same for you right now, unlike last time.. when i could just say that my gf loves me alot.. that's the gap betw us i'm talking abt.. sigh.. i'm such a failure..
Photography-love (L)
